Love, relationships and marriage

Posted by David

Over the next few blog entries, I’ll be writing about relationships, love and marriage. I’ll probably tick-off most folks a bit. Please accept my humble apology beforehand, because I might have it wrong.

My purpose for writing this is multifold. I may be hoping to learn something myself. I always feel that I understand things a bit better once I put them in words, but I also feel that there is such opaqueness in regards to relationships that it is seriously damaging to a great number of people that have been marginalized by powerful, damaging and manipulative people. Modern relationships, if not in all of human history, is more about power and control than about Godly love. We all fall into that trap, no matter which side of the equation we exist, and for most of us at times, we tread on both sides of the equation at any given moment.

The third reason is because there is such misinformation out there about love and relationships that I feel compelled to grab the bull by the horns and give it a full out ‘what-for’. Hopefully, I don’t get gorged in the process. (I wish I had been given that rebuke when I was younger. But in time, God gave me the rebuke after many mistakes and I have learned.) Just the other day, I saw an article in a newspaper titled something like the Me Marriage. It compelled the readers to seek his or her own needs first in marriage, because supposedly amongst the ‘in crowd’ that’s the trend. Talk about a west-bound train at full steam bound for an east-bound train going the same speed. The article made me sick and I certainly won’t link to it and provide it any press.

I must state up front that I believe there is really only one type of true love and that is what most of us would think of as friendship. It’s a love that is beyond time and comes only from God, which Christian theology calls agape. It is agape that Jesus was for all of us on the cross. It is the only type of love that will survive the ages and it is the only love worthy of pursuit. It is the only noble love. It is the deepest love and can be had by all. At present, however, it is the most painful love, because the fellowship of this love is self-sacrificial. One day, though, it will no longer be a painful love and will finally be joy manifest.

Mostly, our world is not concerned with that type of love. The world concerns itself with powerlust, which is probably the only other type of love, which manifests itself in many other ways. Pride, power and hunger are all names we call it along with other names—good and bad. Each one of us wants to satisfy our inherent desire to be the center of the universe. Humans chose that path long ago and still suffer the consequences. This lust or hunger leads us to act in a variety of ways, depending on our particular biology, sex, mind, social structure, age, family, and most importantly habits.

It’s essential to briefly elaborate on habits, because organically, habits make us who we are individually and collectively. Habits have changed me over time and have changed my society over time and will continue to do so. The habits we all have today are passed to our children and our society. As a people, our biological and sociological character changes over time as those habits develop and modify. We can change our habits, which is a matter of the will, and anyone who has tried to stop using an addictive substance, knows just how terribly difficult that is to do.

There are really only two loves: agape and lust. Agape is the love that dwells and shines outward. Lust is the love that dwells inward. We all should know the character of both of these very well because they are always among us. However, both are poorly understood because it’s very scary to look directly at either. When we look at agape, we see how destitute we really are. When we look at lust in the face, we see how miserable we have become. No one really wants to see the truth, so we hide our faces and convince ourselves otherwise.


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Filed under Christianity, Love

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